There are circumstances in our lives where we will put up with things, situations, issues or even people out of a sense of obligation or a sense of duty or a false belief of guilt--- we will decide to be ok with something that really really(!) isn't ok.
Maybe it once was, but then suddenly a feeling hits you like a Mack truck knocking you down; it's in that moment that you find the backbone and maybe for some of us, we find our true selves.
Of course, I would love to have the perfect example of this moment of enlightenment that led to some kind of Instagram filter of clarity and life's purpose being revealed -- but alas all I have is some shitty story of something that happened to me recently.
Or more accurately, something that I have allowed to continue to happen to me.
Once upon a time, there was a people pleasing princess.... oh fuck that... so there I was again feeling completely disrespected and watching someone else claim accolades for something I had done well. And there I was again, being silent and seething with anger on the inside and feeling quite victimized. Of course no one but me knew this because I was smiling and agreeing and being quite wonderful on the outside ( yeah...wonderful)
And this time, I spoke up and backed up my opinion with facts and truth and lost the emotion.
And in doing so, I lost the will to fight for something that did not deserve me anymore. And what a wonderfully freeing moment that was to walk away.
What actually happened isn't as important as what I felt and what I learned from the situation. I didn't want to continue to attract more of the same pattern over and over and I didn't want to be in a state of duality anymore--choosing an intolerable situation while smiling like everything was perfect.
But most importantly, I realized my own worth and decided to learn the lesson.
Finally.
Then....I forgave myself for all the times I settled for something I should never have accepted. Big one!
The moment we realize our own value, we get disgusted ( hmmm... maybe saddened a bit too) when we reminisce about what we settled for. Certain things or people or situations become intolerable to our liking .... ( oh yes its perfectly ok to not like something or someone) then perspective on life changes for the better.
We become a new person; not the same soul and that's also perfectly ok. We are a work in progress at all times.
So what was the big AHA moment ? It was a disagreement over a business decision. A small one.
One that felt like deja vu to me.
It wasn't so much the content of the disagreement; it was the repeated feeling of being ignored, disprescted and de-valued.
In the grand context of life, it was a tiny needle in a huge haystack but it mattered. In that moment it mattered and I just didn't want to allow the repeating pattern to continue. There was not going to be consensus on that business decision and not because I am a stubborn bitch and the other person is a hard head but because the nature of the disagreement wasn't as important as the feeling of honouring my heart and truth.
I knew I did my very best and when its over , its over. I walked away. And that's ok too.
Disrespect can be contagious. If you respect yourself you will command more respect from others. You may be able to let someone "off the hook" for a one off. Once you allow it repeatedly you join them in by opening your own door of disrespect to others. Forgive maybe but forget never.